MV Doulos

This month, I finally got round to doing something which I have been wanting to do for quite some time: meet up with at least one or two people from JMonDoulos whom I have communicated with via phone/sms/email.

First, I met up with San San. Then, last Wednesday night, Judith.

Mm...it was good to meet them face to face.

What a treat it was, too, when I got to meet Ray Peng the other night at Jia Min's place....what with the sumptuous meal personally cooked by dear sister Pang Luan, being surrounded by younger folks like Li Min, Zhi Yong, Rebecca, John, Daryl and Ray, being enlightened and edified by Ray's sharing about life and happenings on board Doulos, and just relaxing, having some time to myself -allowing myself to free my mind from worries about work, about the family's needs, about medical appointments and schedules, about things to get done before my mobility is compromised, about a hundred and one things...

Thank you, Lord, for granting me such a treat!

After listening to Ray and hearing him confirm all my thoughts and understanding about the harsh reality of what life would be like on board the ship, and hearing him recount Almighty God's work and divine intervention in the lives of the Duloids, the stirring in my heart for being a part of the ship's work has become even stronger.

I am, once again, reminded of the time when I first sensed that gentle stirring in my heart...that urge to become a part of God's work in and through this floating bookshop...



I was 11 when I first set foot on Logos. My brothers, a few other friends and I went on board the ship. It was my first visit. I was so excited, so delighted and amazed at the idea of being in a floating book shop.

During the tour on board Logos, while sister Beng Guat told us about the ship and about her daily life and work on board, I drank in the sight and thirsted for more of that wonderfully warm and vaguely-familiar feeling that I had felt on the ship's decks and in the cabins.

Memories of a previous voyage taken during my childhood - my cruiseliner experience while travelling home from Sabah with my parents in the 60's - came flooding back.

For a moment, it all came rushing back into my recollection...

me stretched out comfortably in my pj on the narrow bunk-bed with the crisp white sheets

being all at once curious, fascinated and a little frightened by the little round window above the bed in the cabin(when Dad lifted me to peer out of that window, I could smell, hear and see the sea!)

Oh! The challenge it was to try to play card games on the windy deck without letting the wind carry all the cards into the choppy water lapping hungrily at the sides of the ship,

the fun I had playing tag and hide-and-seek with those few children on the deck -if I didn't remember wrongly, there were two little Malay boys and a Chinese girl who were about the same age as myself,

then there was that "serious" dinner we had with the Captain of the ship and a few other elderly ladies and gentlemen. Mum and Dad were all dressed up while I was "forced" by Mum to put on that prickly-poky-uncomfortable-but-pretty purple dress which I would only suffer to wear on really special occasions.

Throughout that dinner, Mum kept reminding me to eat but not talk. I was to make sure that I did not clatter my fork and spoon against the huge - in a child's eyes and by a child's estimation- ceramic platter,

I still remember what a struggle it was for me to ensure that I did not let that heavy sparkling glass goblet slip from my hands when I sipped water from it. What a stressful meal that was for me!

I'll never forget the boredom I suffered sitting there all by myself at the big round table while the adults hit the dance floor to dance the night away.

Then, later, the fascination I felt while watching the live band play for the adults on the dance floor, especially with those three - that fat guy fiddling with the muffler on his trumpet, the trombone player who could swing and slide his trombone so skilfully in that confined space without hitting his neighbour who was holding and scratching this thing that looked like Mum's wooden laundry-board, and that man who looked as if he was smoking an oversized s-shaped pipe because the music instrument which he appeared to be sucking at was shaped like a pipe (I didn't know then that he was actually not sucking at the mouthpiece of his music instrument but was in fact, blowing away, playing jazz, swing and big-band music on his saxaphone).

And, most vividly clear in my memory was how I had pretended to be fast asleep while Dad carried me to the cabin, quietly sniffing and enjoying the scent of mum's perfume on Dad's shirt

All those memories raced through my mind as I stood there in sister Beng Guat's cabin which she shared with a few other girls from other countries.

Then something she said jolted me back to the "there-and-then" reality of the moment : "...it is not like we are sailing from country to country on a long holiday. No, we are no tourists when we stop over at the ports. In some countries, we do not feel very welcomed. It can be quite scary to look at a sea of not-too-friendly silent faces and find each one staring back at you with a cold look in their eyes! Some have never ever stood beside a Chinese and I can sense that they were, kind of like, studying me from head to toe. At first I felt very uneasy whenever that happens, but now I am slowly getting a little bit used to it."

At that time, I just could not understand why Beng Guat would resign from her secretarial job to join the ship as a volunteer. I kept asking her, "What are you going to do when you come back to Singapore?" All she said in reply was, "At this point of time, I don't know yet, but I will face it when I get back. To me, that is what faith is all about!"

Faith. At that time, the word 'faith' intrigued me. What did Beng Guat really mean when she talked about having faith? I wasn't sure I understood what she meant but I felt then that it must be quite tough to live and serve God and people on a ship, far far away from home and from friends and family, but if God were to, one day, impress upon my heart that He wanted me to do this, I would.

Till today, that stirring in my heart has only become increasingly stronger by the days, weeks, months and years.

One after another, friends of mine have gone on board Logos and Doulos : Beng Guat, Lily, Winnie, Bee Cheng. Sheila and now Jia Min. Each time I received news and updates from them about their lives and work on board the ships, my heart leapt at the excitement and thrill of their having the opportunity to be there, to do that! Over the years, the stirring in my heart to join the ship would not go away or quieten down, but had only become increasingly stronger.

I am ever mindful of the danger of being tempted to view life on board with rose-tinted lenses, and to be drawn only by the good in the opportunities to travel the world, to be exposed to and learn from diverse cultures and experience the different customs and traditions of various people groups, and to be given the opportunity to serve people all over the world by bringing hope, literature and learning, the good news, love and friendship to them. It sounds so noble, meaningful and good, but in reality, it is a tough life - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially demanding and challenging - living this life is not something which we could (nor should we), endeavour to make happen, no matter how much we might desire or wish it to become a reality.

It is not simply or solely a matter of personal choice.

Life is not about me and what I would like to do.

I only know that currently I am called to participate in this work in an indirect way...by supporting Jia Min who is directly and actively involved.

Lord, I am full of thanksgiving and praise for Beng Guat, Lily, Winnie, Sheila, Jonny, Jia Min, Ray, Elliane and Daniel, and for many others who have obeyed and responded by taking the leapt of faith. Bless them richly!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me a share...even though my participation is neither absolutely essential nor indispensible. Thank you for letting me join you at work. You are so gracious! Your grace is so boundless and immeasurably great that you would let me be a part of your work. To think...you have given me have a part...even me! What a privilege, Lord. Help me to be faithful and diligent.

I love you, Lord.
I am in this loving relationship with you only because you have first loved me.
Thank you, Lord!