Our Malacca Trip
Last Saturday, my husband drove me and our children up to Malacca and we spent almost the entire weekend there.
It was a most relaxing and enjoyable weekend getaway that I've had in years! (Despite my not being able to sleep the whole of Saturday night.) The trip was such a treat!
I enjoyed the drive to and fro, especially the drive home. I enjoyed the time spent with my husband and children.
Also with us were my parents, two of my brothers, one of my sisters-in-law, a nephew and a neice. I really treasure the time I spent with them...especially so with my ageing parents. I can really see their physical "decline". They've become so frail.
I feel especially sad for my dad - he used to be so spritely and was such a suave and dashing-looking, self-confident, articulate gentleman - who has now become so hesitant, almost disinterested and socially "disengaged" as compared to his former extrovert, gregarious, sociable self. The father I knew who used to waltze and tango with my mum around our living room is so different from the one I spent the weekend with in Malacca. He now walks about hesitantly with a walking stick, half afraid that he might miss his next step because of his poor eye sight and weakened sense of balance.
As for my mum...sigh...she who used to look so attractive in her signature cheongsam has become so frail and hagged-looking. She has shrunk and is now shorter, thinner and her clothes hang loosely at her armpits and at her hips. Her once body-hugging cheongsam now hang loose on her body. She has difficulty standing for anything longer than 5 minutes. She needs to get a seat or else her lower body starts to hurt. I can't reconcile that what I knew of my mum...she, who used to climb Huang Shan and all the other mountains in China, who trodded up and down the Great Wall of China with great ease, who used to practise taiji, and exercised with the sword every morning with such grace, speed and finesse.
The mum I knew used to do the cha cha, the waltze, and the tango. When we were in Sandakan, while she and my dad were running the Wing Onn Hotel, she used to singlehandedly wash all the towels, bedsheets and blankets from all the rooms in the hotel (and in those days, there were no washing machines!). Back at home in Singapore, she would think nothing of washing, ironing, cooking and taking care of the needs of more than half a dozen of children and taking Malay Language lessons nightly, week after week, month after month, year after year. When my dad had to drive up to Malaysia (he was a regional sales rep for a pharmaceutical firm, then), my mum had to be both 'dad' and 'mum' to us. She managed the home well and kept everything running smoothly.
Mmm...my parents who used to be so much a pair, going places together, doing things together - ballroom dancing, working together in Sandakan, going to the races together, playing mahjong with friends, clubbing with friends ( I had my first taste of rum with Coke when I tagged along with them to this nightclub in Sandakan) and having taiji classes together...now, they bicker with each other almost all the time. They just can't seem to see eye to eye anymore. They disagree over almost everything. Sigh...when I grow old, will I become as impatient with my spouse as my mum is with hers? I hope not. I will consciously not allow myself to become like that. Dear God, please help me, help us. Fill us with your love, and enable us to always be loving, caring, patient and gracious to one another, in sickness and in health, in old age, in good times and in bad.
During this trip, what was most significant to me was that I have finally managed to accompany my mother to pay a 'long-over-due' visit to an elderly relative in Malacca.
The one we visited is my maternal grandmother's younger sister. She is in her late eighties and has become quite senile and hard of hearing.
Mum has been visiting this dear old lady regularly - at least once a year - and each time, she would ask that I accompanied her on her visits, but I would never be able to go along because of work. Now, finally, I am able to make this visit and it gives me great pleasure to be able to do something which means a lot to my mum. It didn't matter to me that this lady could not register my presence, or that she had not the faintest idea who I was. What was significant to me was that my mum was very moved that I am finally able to make this visit with her.
My mum had always wanted me to meet this aunt of hers because, to my mum, the act itself would give her a sense of the continuity of life. I can't quite express this...it is like...she finds a sense of fulfilment in bringing together her offspring and the folks of her parents' era...it's like...she feels she has been instrumental in connecting the two generations - the generation before hers with the one after. It's one of those "circle of life" kind of thingy???
My mum's late stepmother had a few siblings. Two of them disappeared (literally so, because no one could trace their whereabouts) after World War II and she is survived only by this sister of hers in Malacca and a brother of hers in Singapore. They are both old and frail. Mum visits them at least once a year.
Some time ago, my mum had this dream that she could no longer locate this aunt of hers in Malacca no matter how she tried. When she awoke from that dream, she became determined to make a visit as soon as possible...just in case, the dream signifies that time is running out for the old lady. Hence, she has been nagging my brothers and me about making a visit soon. Now, finally, she has paid her aunt a visit, and with her son and daughter tagging along, she was more than delighted.
Needless to say, I do not feel any sense of closeness to this old lady. My head tells me we are related, but my heart does not feel any emotional tugs. My visit could only, at best, be likened to that which I make to old folks' homes in Singapore.
Don't get me wrong : I did not go there with a sense of reluctance. Not at all! In fact, I wanted very much to go meet her. I made that visit with my head and my heart! But, sadly, I was not able to feel any closer to her even after the visit. Not that I had expected to...
Mmm...I wasn't even very close to the old lady's elder sister, my grandmother. In fact, I have only vague memories of my late grandmother because she died when I was only 8 or so. The most vivid memory I have of my grandmother is that of a mental picture of a sickly, coughing old lady who is always resting in this chaise longue on the ground floor living room at Dai Moon Lao (Damen Lou at Ann Siang Hill).
Anyway, this trip to Malaccca was a good one!
Good company, good time shopping, good food, good break from the routine!
Wish my family could do this more often!
It was a most relaxing and enjoyable weekend getaway that I've had in years! (Despite my not being able to sleep the whole of Saturday night.) The trip was such a treat!
I enjoyed the drive to and fro, especially the drive home. I enjoyed the time spent with my husband and children.
Also with us were my parents, two of my brothers, one of my sisters-in-law, a nephew and a neice. I really treasure the time I spent with them...especially so with my ageing parents. I can really see their physical "decline". They've become so frail.
I feel especially sad for my dad - he used to be so spritely and was such a suave and dashing-looking, self-confident, articulate gentleman - who has now become so hesitant, almost disinterested and socially "disengaged" as compared to his former extrovert, gregarious, sociable self. The father I knew who used to waltze and tango with my mum around our living room is so different from the one I spent the weekend with in Malacca. He now walks about hesitantly with a walking stick, half afraid that he might miss his next step because of his poor eye sight and weakened sense of balance.
As for my mum...sigh...she who used to look so attractive in her signature cheongsam has become so frail and hagged-looking. She has shrunk and is now shorter, thinner and her clothes hang loosely at her armpits and at her hips. Her once body-hugging cheongsam now hang loose on her body. She has difficulty standing for anything longer than 5 minutes. She needs to get a seat or else her lower body starts to hurt. I can't reconcile that what I knew of my mum...she, who used to climb Huang Shan and all the other mountains in China, who trodded up and down the Great Wall of China with great ease, who used to practise taiji, and exercised with the sword every morning with such grace, speed and finesse.
The mum I knew used to do the cha cha, the waltze, and the tango. When we were in Sandakan, while she and my dad were running the Wing Onn Hotel, she used to singlehandedly wash all the towels, bedsheets and blankets from all the rooms in the hotel (and in those days, there were no washing machines!). Back at home in Singapore, she would think nothing of washing, ironing, cooking and taking care of the needs of more than half a dozen of children and taking Malay Language lessons nightly, week after week, month after month, year after year. When my dad had to drive up to Malaysia (he was a regional sales rep for a pharmaceutical firm, then), my mum had to be both 'dad' and 'mum' to us. She managed the home well and kept everything running smoothly.
Mmm...my parents who used to be so much a pair, going places together, doing things together - ballroom dancing, working together in Sandakan, going to the races together, playing mahjong with friends, clubbing with friends ( I had my first taste of rum with Coke when I tagged along with them to this nightclub in Sandakan) and having taiji classes together...now, they bicker with each other almost all the time. They just can't seem to see eye to eye anymore. They disagree over almost everything. Sigh...when I grow old, will I become as impatient with my spouse as my mum is with hers? I hope not. I will consciously not allow myself to become like that. Dear God, please help me, help us. Fill us with your love, and enable us to always be loving, caring, patient and gracious to one another, in sickness and in health, in old age, in good times and in bad.
During this trip, what was most significant to me was that I have finally managed to accompany my mother to pay a 'long-over-due' visit to an elderly relative in Malacca.
The one we visited is my maternal grandmother's younger sister. She is in her late eighties and has become quite senile and hard of hearing.
Mum has been visiting this dear old lady regularly - at least once a year - and each time, she would ask that I accompanied her on her visits, but I would never be able to go along because of work. Now, finally, I am able to make this visit and it gives me great pleasure to be able to do something which means a lot to my mum. It didn't matter to me that this lady could not register my presence, or that she had not the faintest idea who I was. What was significant to me was that my mum was very moved that I am finally able to make this visit with her.
My mum had always wanted me to meet this aunt of hers because, to my mum, the act itself would give her a sense of the continuity of life. I can't quite express this...it is like...she finds a sense of fulfilment in bringing together her offspring and the folks of her parents' era...it's like...she feels she has been instrumental in connecting the two generations - the generation before hers with the one after. It's one of those "circle of life" kind of thingy???
My mum's late stepmother had a few siblings. Two of them disappeared (literally so, because no one could trace their whereabouts) after World War II and she is survived only by this sister of hers in Malacca and a brother of hers in Singapore. They are both old and frail. Mum visits them at least once a year.
Some time ago, my mum had this dream that she could no longer locate this aunt of hers in Malacca no matter how she tried. When she awoke from that dream, she became determined to make a visit as soon as possible...just in case, the dream signifies that time is running out for the old lady. Hence, she has been nagging my brothers and me about making a visit soon. Now, finally, she has paid her aunt a visit, and with her son and daughter tagging along, she was more than delighted.
Needless to say, I do not feel any sense of closeness to this old lady. My head tells me we are related, but my heart does not feel any emotional tugs. My visit could only, at best, be likened to that which I make to old folks' homes in Singapore.
Don't get me wrong : I did not go there with a sense of reluctance. Not at all! In fact, I wanted very much to go meet her. I made that visit with my head and my heart! But, sadly, I was not able to feel any closer to her even after the visit. Not that I had expected to...
Mmm...I wasn't even very close to the old lady's elder sister, my grandmother. In fact, I have only vague memories of my late grandmother because she died when I was only 8 or so. The most vivid memory I have of my grandmother is that of a mental picture of a sickly, coughing old lady who is always resting in this chaise longue on the ground floor living room at Dai Moon Lao (Damen Lou at Ann Siang Hill).
Anyway, this trip to Malaccca was a good one!
Good company, good time shopping, good food, good break from the routine!
Wish my family could do this more often!
posted by Me at 6/02/2005 08:02:00 PM
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